my fault........again!!

i will still write sth here whether there are people reading or not.....
SO IT'S MY FAULT......AGAIN!!!! if i really make you upset, we can just broke up indeed, and yet you would again be upset if i said that....
today as i was talking to Auntie Margaret, she told me to cherish this relationship since God allowed this to start.....
after talking to her, i thought i could overcome lots of things.....but JUST now......it's nothing anymore.....
i also reflected.....was it im NOT tolerant nor patient anymore? to him, i know i appear like that...
but the more he said that, the more hurt i felt.....i really didnt intend to cry or break down.....BUT....i guess i failed eventually!!
sometimes what i said was just 氣話, i didnt really mean it!!! but i guess he didnt realize that and take them for real....
whenever there's interaction with him, the uglier i see in myself!! it's just like the more i am with him, the more monster-like i am....
PERHAPS.......i should keep walking ON MY OWN.....so that i wont BOTH physically or emotionally dragging anyone down.....
what am i to do??? what can i change?? and if i cant really change.....this relationship is gonna be die and over....
BUT SOMEHOW i just KEPT FAILING AND FAILING, @ the same mistakes....it's just the same feeling i always have in seminary.......
sorry i couldnt support you so that you dun have any worries......thatz why i thought of disappearing more often now...
why should i still exist??? maybe it's better to forget about me, like i never exist before.......T^T

just wanna..........

just wanna be accepted as who i am........just that....always got picked....of course i know its hard to have someone to be true with me....
However......sometimes i just wanna be LOVED as being who i am.....even though i am indeed bad and rotten from within and without......
Except from God, i thought i already found it......BUT i guess now.....

Sometimes......

sometimes.....sometimes.....

would you understand??? ......sigh.............